Severus and Lily, After Death
by always - a silver rose
Summary: After Snape dies, he undergoes a series of emotionally traumatic experiences that help him confront the events of his past. Feedback much appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

When Severus closed his eyes for the last time, breathing his last words to Harry Potter, the boy who lived, he merely felt an overwhelming feeling of relief. He was done. No more frantic efforts to save a child he did not even care for, someone who was living proof of his biggest mistakes. Gone were the days of torture, horror someone would find his secret. Gone was that fear, that useless fear that Voldemort would kill him. Looking back, isn't that what he had wanted all along? To be freed? To see her again? And now, finally, he was done.

He felt himself floating, like gravity had been reversed. He looked down, saw his body, saw the boy collecting his memories, gaping at what Voldemort had done. He faced his last choice (or so he believed): stay or go? But what was there to stay for? In a way, there had never been a choice. And so he moved on, letting the potential ghost fade away.

When he opened his eyes, he sat up in shock. Didn't he just die? He remembered clearly, Harry Potter's green eyes bringing back all those memories. He had died, he was sure. So where was he? What was this mist that obscured his vision? And no sooner had he thought so, that the mist cleared away, and there stood Albus Dumbledore.

"Albus. Where am I?"

"You tell me, my dear Severus. Where are you?" He looked around and recognized the park under the trees where he had first seen Lily, all those years ago.

"Home."

"Very good. I expect you're eager to get this over with. You don't want to feel anymore, isn't that right?" Severus could only nod. "I'm sorry, Severus. There's nothing that can stop love. I trust I have made that clear. Those that die never really leave. We're still here, watching over."

Angered, the Professor replied, "Easy for you to say, Dumbledore! Who have you loved? Who has shunned you? The world loves you. You were their savior. You say the dead never really leave. So Lily must be here too, no? I don't see her. Why do I have to suffer, even after I'm gone?"

"My dear, dear Severus. This is merely the stepping-stone, if you will, between life and… the afterlife, if you wish. I simply have to fill you in on some things. The bridge between the two worlds transforms into wherever the, er, passenger's, life changed irrevocably. Yours was changed when you first saw her. Lily's was changed when she was sorted into Gryffindor. And mine, well… mine was changed when Ariana was born. So, what do you think Harry's will change to?"

"Albus! Here we are, in the afterlife, as you call it. And you still worry about the boy? There's nothing you can do now, Albus! Nothing at all."

"Oh, but there is. When Harry dies, I will welcome him. I will tell him the truth. But, you are right. Enough with Harry for the moment. Tell me, Severus. Are you sure you want to see her again?"

"Of course!" Dumbledore looked down his glasses at him, as he did so often, and Severus hesitated. "Well… I do need to see her face, her hair, her eyes. I need to make sure she knows how incredibly sorry I am. But, she'll be with him. _Potter._" The name sounded like a curse. "How can I face that? I- I don't know, Dumbledore. How do I see her so happy when I'm… ?"

Dumbledore smiled sadly, shaking his head. "That, I'm afraid, my friend, is something you figure out for yourself. When we go on, or rather when you go on – my work here is still incomplete – you will be able to finally tell her. Not that she doesn't know, now. After all, she has been watching for quite a while. Sixteen years to be precise. But, you can confront your fears, ask her forgiveness, settle your issues with James – "

"Bah! That will happen. That arrogant, son of a – "

"_Severus_! In case you hadn't noticed, your judgments tend to arrive a little too quickly. Try to, as you so often advised our young hero down there, control your emotion. You told him to control his love. Why don't you control your hatred? Give him a chance, why don't you?" Even then, Dumbledore knew he was asking too much. When James had ruined any hopes of Severus winning over Lily, he had become the devil incarnate in the hurt man's eyes. But, Dumbledore hoped that the new, mature James whom Severus had never met might help Severus see reason. Perhaps, some lonely maiden would catch his fancy, and his longing for Lily would fade. Again, Dumbledore knew he was hoping for the impossible. Severus had loved Lily since they were children. He had done everything. No lonely maiden could change that.

Severus watched Dumbledore's change in expression desolately. And despite his frustration at Dumbledore's urge to forgive and forget, he felt a longing to put it past him. He didn't want to feel. Why couldn't everyone be like Voldemort. No feelings, no love, no more _hurt._ He was sick of all this pain! When would it end? He had lived every day burning in his unsaid words, his mistake so long ago. It felt like it would consume him from the inside. It was a miracle he ever blocked his mind. The pain and anguish would have been enough to destroy Dumbledore himself, he thought. And it still wasn't over. Now, he was living (dying?) in the same pain, the same scorching fire. Would it never end? He knew he needed to go. He had to leave, find solace somewhere else. But where? Where?

Albus saw Severus' tortured anguish and sighed. It was time. He couldn't linger here as fear of the unknown gnawed at him. And so Albus whispered, "All right Severus. Go see your Lily. Go ahead. I'll come soon."

And Severus felt himself being lifted by the back of his neck up, sideways, down, he didn't know which way. But as he left, he saw Dumbledore shrinking away there below him, and hoped whatever it was he had to do, he would finish soon. Severus didn't think he could bear the "afterlife" alone. And so he left the stepping-stone, and entered a new world.


	2. Chapter 2

Severus looked around and gasped in surprise. Lily was extending her hand to him. He hesitated for a moment. He didn't think he could bear the heartache if she turned out to be a figure of his imagination. For now, he was content to stare at her red locks, just as beautiful as he remembered. Her green eyes, so very like her son's. And that beautiful smile, something he cherished always. He merely gazed on.

Lily shook her head and smiled. "Severus." He started. "Severus, come on. Take my hand. You can't keep lying there." He obeyed wordlessly.

James quietly looked at Snape, who hadn't yet realized he was there. James was okay with that. He knew Severus would… react badly. He just looked at the man who had saved his son so many times, who had suffered so much, who had loved his wife more than Voldemort had loved power. And James regretted everything. The bullying, the taunting, the terrible, terrible hurt. Severus had not been completely innocent, either, but James was willing to forgive that. After all, what James had done to him was, in a way, so much worse.

Lily hugged her best friend and smiled. "Thank you," was all she said. She glanced over his shoulder at her husband, and Severus, noticing, turned around. Immediately, the air turned cold.

"Potter," he spat. James just walked over briskly. Severus, panicking, took out his wand and prepared to defend himself. But James simply pulled his old rival into a brotherly embrace.

"Sniv – I mean, Severus. How good to see you again." Severus pulled away in shock and disgust.

"What the – " Severus sputtered. He quieted when he felt Lily's hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Sev. For everything," she whispered. James nodded.

"Me too. I get it now; I understand what I put you through. Even Harry was horrified. And although you didn't treat him too well -" Lily cleared her throat at James. "Although it was, well, hard, you still did everything to save him. So thank you. I'll understand if you don't want to forgive me, though." And to illustrate that point, it seemed to Severus, he put his arm around Lily.

Severus stiffened abruptly. There he was, the arrogant Potter, showing off his girl to the world. As furious thoughts ran through his mind, Lily sighed. She knew what Sev, her precious Sev, was thinking. She couldn't help it. No matter what happened, she did love James. Of course she loved Severus too, but not in the way he wanted. Not in the way she knew he deserved. "Sev…" she began.

"No, it's fine. I guess I'll just… leave you alone." His tone was dismissive, but both James and Lily saw past that. They understood how rejected he felt, even if he managed to mask it behind complete indifference. And now, James tried to right what he had done, all those years ago.

"Severus Snape. An old rival. Interesting how the time flies, isn't it? No, let me finish. Severus, I know what I put you through. I know we were never good friends, or anywhere close. But I know what you did for my family, for my friends. Sirius refused to come to thank you, because, well, he was too embarrassed to acknowledge that you really tried to save his godson's life. Multiple times. Remus… should be here soon."

"Lupin? He's still alive, Potter." James smiled sadly.

"Not for long," Lily whispered gravely. "He's just about to… ah… there he goes, and Tonks, too. We should be here to welcome them."

"They don't trust me. They think I'm still… " Severus choked in fear. What would he say to the masses of people who died, who still thought him a murderer? And then, he realized, hadn't he been doing that all his life? What was the difference now?

Lily smiled knowingly. "No, no, there's something about death that gives everyone knowledge. We know exactly what's happening, what happened, what will happen. You're just… a little, too attached to life. Not enough to stay, but enough to find it hard to believe our… situation at the moment. Give it a little time, and you will feel what we feel."

"Oh." The husband and wife smiled in unison. It had been so long.


End file.
